October 26, 2013 A Tangy Sort of Week

Hmmmm. Yep, I couldn't resist putting this photo of limes up. Guess what I got diagnosed with this week? Sounds like...... Lyme's Disease. Chronic. That would explain a lot. Put that together with a faulty detox system, Celiac's, and ten years of mold exposure and you have the recipe for auto-immune thyroid disorder, increasing food and chemical sensitivities, years and years of misdiagnoses, lots of ripped up prescriptions for Prozac-like medications (see - NOT in my head!), unnecessary medications, etc. etc etc...

And how does one get rid of Lyme's? That appears to be the million dollar question. I personally know more than 10 people with Lyme's now. Chronic Lyme's, that is. And they have tried literally everything across the board. Only one is really doing well. I'm trying out her doctor, but not with the assumption that he can cure me. Even he says it will take a lot of time, what with all of the other issues that are combined in the perfect storm that is my body. Truthfully, I'm not so concerned with being healed. I tend to look ahead to the new world after years and years of pain and confusion. It seems more real to me at times than this one.

And what does this mean for my family? Interestingly, scientists now know that Lyme can cross the placental barriers. And when did I get Lyme exactly? Years ago I became convinced that I had this, but the doctors told me it was not in NC, so they refused to test. Finally, a few years later, one did test - and it was positive. But the next test was negative, so they said nope, no Lyme's. I have a few questions now -
Why were my kids so tired as infants? So tired that at one point doctors thought the oldest had a brain tumor....
Why did they develop hypothyroid issues at such a young age?
Why did one develop migraines at age 3?
Why did they think she may have Aspergers? And why did the diet change work wonders?
Where did all these food and chemical sensitivities come from?
Why did my second child have developmental delays?
Why has she been plagued with stomach cramps, joint pain, muscle pain, confusion and more since she was tiny?
Why are we all so light and sound sensitive?
Why do we keep going in cycles without ever getting better?
Why did my oldest child get diagnosed with Lyme's at a young age due to a bullseye and only get put on 1 week of antibiotics? Why didn't the doctors at the hospital look more deeply into Lyme's after she ran a fever for 6 months?
Why can't my second child sleep?

No need to answer. Who knows if they got it in utero or from a later tick bite. I'd go with the first, looking backwards, but it's hard to walk forwards if you are looking the other way, so I'll just leave that bit of debate alone. We will get them tested, but I just listed out almost every sign of pediatric Lyme in the book. Am I distressed or angry or .....

You would think so. I have moments when I think I might have a minute of "ARG!" but it just slides away. What good would that do? Something in this world will kill us, hurt us, make us cry. And Someone outside of this world has already promised us eternal life. Someone told me recently that it was good that I had a hope to hold on to. They didn't think it was real, but they thought it was a nice daydream for me when times were tough. I've been through tough times on my own - without that belief. I know what is Real and what is a dream. So I just smile at them - what could I possibly tell them that would convince them that I have been introduced to Reality? And if they are not going through this.... how would they know that no dream could possibly distract me from the daily physical pain of my body and the daily emotional pain of watching my children suffer? Honestly - no dream could explain why I am not ripping my hair out in despair, why I instead feel an inexplicable peace.

So we will go forward. I will dig into my source of Peace so that on a hard day when we all hurt, I can smile and giggle and cheer my daughter into a laugh when she's crying from the pain. I will think of something fun and interesting to keep my other daughter from dwelling on our isolation. I will let my kitchen get dirty on the bad days and clean it up on the better days. When I am drained I will sob into my pillows and get on my knees until I can give some more. We will go through treatments and take our medicines. We will laugh about the number of supplements we take and see who can get them all down first. We will drag ourselves out on good and not so good days to revel in the world God has given us. We will go play with horses at Hope Reins and forget ourselves for a little while. And when the pain grows beyond distraction, I will hold my child and tell her that I understand, and we will talk about the world to come. And we will have Joy.